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By Bob Bryant Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Love Languages, offers valuable insight into how we may be able to encourage a spouse to show their love through acts of service.

Question: We are both working full time and when I get home, I start dinner but my spouse comes in and sits on the couch. How do I encourage him/her to participate in household chores?

Set fire to the couch! Then hand him the fire extinguisher. Do this every two days for one week. He will no longer sit on the couch. Well, that’s one approach, but not one that I recommend. Nor do I recommend yelling at him and calling him a lazy slob.

All of us have patterns of behavior we have developed through the years. Some of these are helpful to the marriage, and some are detrimental to the marriage. The problem is that we are not always aware of what these are, until they are brought to our attention. But how you bring them to your spouse’s attention is the important thing.

I suggest you initiate a “marriage improvement month.” Say to your spouse, “I’ve been thinking about us, and I don’t want us to drift into a dead marriage. I don’t want to just be an ordinary wife. I want to be an exceptional wife. Would you be open to giving me one suggestion each week for the next month on how I could be a better wife? I would give you one suggestion on how you could be a better husband, and both of us could grow. Would you be open to this?” If he is, then you are on the road to positive change. One of those weeks you can share with him what you would like him to do when he arrives home. He will not take it as nagging because you have made it a part of your month of improvement. If your husband agrees to give you a suggestion each week, but is not willing to take a suggestion from you, I would encourage you to go for it. Before the month is over, I think you will see a change in his attitude.

Specifically, Dr. Chapman describes how he speaks the language of acts of service to his wife.

My wife’s love language is “Acts of Service.” One of the things I do for her regularly as an act of love is to vacuum the floors. Do you think that vacuuming floors comes naturally for me? My mother used to make me vacuum. All through junior high and high school I couldn’t go play ball on Saturday until I finished vacuuming the entire house. In those days, I said to myself, “When I get out of here, one thing I am not going to do: I am not going to vacuum houses. I’ll get myself a wife to do that.”

But, I vacuum our house now, and I vacuum it regularly. There is only one reason I vacuum our house: love. You couldn’t pay me enough to vacuum a house, but I do it for love. You see, when an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love. My wife knows that when I vacuum the house it’s nothing but 100 percent pure, unadulterated love, and I get credit for the whole thing!

Question for you: What act of service would communicate love to your spouse? Instead of thinking about the acts of service you would like to see your spouse accomplish, what would your spouse like to see get done? Are you willing to do that act of service to demonstrate your love for your spouse?